You’ve seen them; you’re laying in bed before going to sleep, scrolling aimlessly through Instagram giving likes out like they are candy to anyone you think deserves them.

“Aww, it’s Danielle’s best friend’s birthday, so she posted a picture of the two of them from the time they went to Cabo for spring break.” *LIKE*

“You’re kidding. It’s Melissa’s parent’s anniversary; she posted a professional photo taken at their second cousin’s wedding of the entire family” *tap tap*

“No way. Lisa is back from her mission trip in Thailand after six months, so now her and Nicole are going out for a night on the town. I’m thrilled she posted a picture of the two in front of an unlit fireplace with the caption ‘Back at it 😈’ What was the point of going to a third world country for half a year if she didn’t.” *❤️*

While not uncommon, these are all examples of Thirst Traps. If you want the textbook definition to go along with these realistic descriptions: a thirst trap is a photograph posted to social media with a coy or confident caption that will TRAP (attract) THIRST (attention in the form of likes, comments, DM’s, 🔥 emojis). This concept is as old as time but can be tricky to spot for the average Instagram user. Fear not, all seven readers of this blog, for I am here to help you navigate the dry deserts of the Instagram community, and help you identify if it is genuinely a thirst trap, or merely a mirage.

The first, vital rule to note is that no two thirst traps are created equal, even if they are the same picture. Let’s go back to my Lisa and Nicole example. Let’s pretend they both posted the picture of them in front of the previously mentioned fireplace to their respected Instagram accounts. In Nicole’s case, she posted the photograph because she recently got out of a serious, long-term relationship. So she posted this, so Bradley knows that she is going to go out, convince a guy to buy her vodka lemonades only for her to end up in the bathroom crying over their failed relationship even though she broke up with him. We can call this the Revenge Tour Thirst Trap. Lisa’s reasoning for posting this picture is entirely different. She was in Thailand for six months, after posting pictures of koi ponds, pretty flowers, and snapshots with the locals. (NOTE: These pictures themselves are thirst traps, and they are called the Look How Much Better My Life is Than Your’s Thirst Trap. However, breaking down these types of thirst traps is a discussion is for another time). The fact of the matter is that Lisa wants to let everyone know she’s back and badder than ever. By posting this picture of her and her friend she allows her DM’s and all subsequent conversations to be about her trip. Lisa essentially TRAPS people into pretending to give a shit listening about her journey. A DM and conversation she may receive from a guy after this is posted may go something like this.

“Hey, Lisa. Welcome back! Hope your trip was as amazing as you, can’t wait to hear all about it! 🙈”

“Lisa so glad you’re home, tell me about your trip over happy hour sometime 🤔”

“I don’t get why you’d go to Thailand when you’re a winner in my book.”

That last one is something only I would say, but regardless, the point still stands — two girls one picture two different meanings.

Moving on to one of the oldest and most effective thirst traps, the Birthday Thirst Trap. Once again referring to my above example of Danielle and her best friend who I will make up a name on the spot for, Megan. Danielle posts a picture of the two of them in Mexico for Megan’s birthday. Danielle looks terrific, and Megan was giving a guy an outside the pants handjob in the hot tub 45 seconds before the picture was taken, she looks okay, but the real shine here is on Danielle. These are the thirst traps you can smell from a mile away yet they never fail. Danielle looks like a good friend, Megan gets her birthday shine, it is a win-win.

There are so many other thirst traps that I need to touch briefly on before this blog becomes way too long.

The Take Me Back Thirst Trap: you see these every finals week. Girls will post these from their school library after pretending to study for the Econ 101 exam for 45 minutes. It usually is a cute beach photo they took but for whatever reason didn’t post while they were on said vacation. No shit you’d rather be on a beach Jessica, it’s 20 fucking degrees out.

The Glo-Up Thirst Trap: these are usually posted when a girl finishes a box of the 30 Day Crest White Strips, gets a haircut, or is good at editing selfies. These can be posted for a variety of reasons and have seemingly surpassed the “Idk feeling cute might delete later” posts as the most popular type of selfie you’ll see.

The Gym-Rat Thirst Trap (sick rhyme): guys are guilty of this one too, but these thirst traps are a personal favorite of mine. People will post a picture with a slight sweat glisten after doing the elliptical for 10 minutes. You’re the definition of peak physical fitness, Jennifer, thank you for sharing this with all of us.

The last one I will touch on because I can’t write a blog about thirst traps and not include the Traditional Thirst Trap: This is the magnum opus of thirst traps. The tour de force, the chef d’oeuvr of dehydration confines. You can’t tell the Story of thirst traps without this. You post these because you want attention, you post these because you need confidence, you post these because a certain person to see them. The POSTabilities and reasons for putting up the traditional thirst trap are endless and usually blanket 95% of the pictures you see off a female’s page. These are the posts you will ask yourself, “Is it a thirst trap or are they just consistently attractive?” And that is precisely the point of these; they are the hidden gems of the trap game, the Crown Jewels if you will.

So there you have it, a complete guide to some different types of the thirst traps you’ll see scrolling aimlessly through your Instagram feed. Just remember, if you have to ask yourself if the post you are looking at is a thirst trap, it most certainly is.

Stay thirsty my friends.