Back in December I saw Creed II. The movie was great. It had decent character development, a good plot, and was an overall feel-good story. My main takeaway, however, was how handsome Michael B. Jordan is. Now, I am comfortable in my own skin, I have zero problems admitting how attractive another male is. I’ve seen the first Creed, I’ve seen Black Panther, I’ve known Michael B. Jordan was a good looking man since his days at North Carolina in Friday Night Lights. But in Creed II the man went out and got in unreal shape. He looks like he was chiseled from stone. It was a different kind of handsome.

Editors Note Fellas, before continuing this blog I am warning you now to not show your girl these photos, hell ladies, don’t show your man these photos.

Look at those muscles. He is more cut than a 45-degree angle. He’s more ripped than a trendy pair of jeans. More Brawny than the paper towel brand. You get it, he’s a brick house that the big bad wolf couldn’t blow down.

I was inspired. I wanted people to fawn over me like I just did to him. I wanted to look like him. But while he’s out here looking like this:

I’m stuck looking like Barry from The Goldbergs.

Despite this immediate realization, I stayed determined in my quest to look like Michael B. I just needed to find a way to do so. Since dressing in blackface is not socially acceptable, I lack his perfect jawline and his genuine smile, the only thing I could do in my journey to resemble Mr. B Jordan was to take a second job at FedEx and start boxing. Which I did– three months later.

I never entertained the thought of boxing before, I was too busy thinking outside of it. I was nervous though, the only boxing I had done in my life was order the combo at Raising Cane’s (I know there are a lot of people will not understand this joke, but it’s fine, I’m proud of it regardless). I don’t know why it took me three months to do so, but last Saturday I looked up classes for a boxing gym not too far from my condo. The only one that wasn’t completely booked up was at 8:30 am on a Sunday, so I knew right away I was going to absolutely hate myself for doing this. The cool part about the club I went to is they give you a free two-week trial so I the only thing I had to pay for was the wraps. Full disclosure: I was going to make a pun revolving around the words “club” and “wrap” but I didn’t want to sandwich it into this blog. There is a 99% chance it would be a crummy one. Also, wait, are they called wraps because you’re wrapping up to box? I might be onto something here.

I consider myself to be in pretty good shape, I work out regularly, but I knew this would be difficult. I got there early to learn how to throw the different punches, and what followed was 75 minutes of hell. The class comprised of 15 minutes of cardio, followed by twelve rounds of different boxing exercises, no breaks. To quote famous MatchBoxer Rob Thomas “Man it’s a hot one.” I was dripping sweat about 4 minutes in. After I finished the cardio portion my shirt was already a shade darker. I still had SIXTY minutes left. Before this, the only bags I fought were the ones under my eyes, and much like those bags, this bag carried exhaustion and the burden of my stress-filled existence. I’m not going to lie to you guys, this SUCKED. By the end of it, I wasn’t a solid, nor a liquid, I was gassed. I felt like cardboard after this boxing class. My entire body ached, I put myself through hell. I was shaking like Colton after Cassie broke up with him (didn’t expect to see a Bachelor reference in a boxing blog did ya?). An yet I felt like I was on top of the world. I really can’t explain it, but after I just tortured myself with this I couldn’t stop smiling after, I felt accomplished. I loved that feeling so much I canceled my free trial and paid US currency to join the gym. I am now a member at two prestigious clubs: Costco, and this boxing gym. I could not be more excited to finally try and accomplish my lifelong dream (of three months) and be like Mike.

I guess you can say that I’m hooked (a hook is a type of punch, you should laugh at that).