Vinnie Barone

Music Monday: Miley Cyrus

Each Music Monday will be formatted as followed: an overview/ my opinion on their said career, followed by the ranking of their top 5 songs. No artist is without flaws, their worst three songs will also be judged and ripped to shreds.

As a reminder, this is not going to be a series where I list no-name songs off an artist’s shitty second album that’ll you’ll hear occasionally in an urban coffee shop. We only grade hits here. I’m not looking for songs that have the best underlying message. I’m not looking for songs that represent the artist’s struggle and triumph over something shitty that happened to them. I don’t care about any of that. We are only ranking the cream of the crop, the pinnacle of an artist’s success. Before you ask, I will not be ranking The Beatles’ songs, as I do not want to tarnish my blog with overrated garbage. If you have a problem with that, or my rankings, and want to make your criticisms known, you can email all of your concerns to VinnieWontCheckThis@gmail.com. Prior versions of this series can be found here.

So with that, let’s get started.

Destiny Hope Cyrus was born on November 23, 1992, to Tish and Billy Ray Cyrus (🤠), in Franklin, Tennessee. Her parents nicknamed her “Smiley,” which they later shortened to “Miley” because she often smiled as an infant which she legally made her name in 2008. She became Hannah Montana in 2006, which launched her to superstardom. The show was great, and as Hannah Montana, she released a self-titled album that sold 3 million copies and hit number 1 on the Billboard 200. She was 13. It is absolutely hilarious how much success came her way at a young age. The album itself slaps, I don’t really need to talk about (we all know how good Hannah Montana is). She followed this up a year later in 2007 she released a double album Hannah Montana 2: Meet Miley Cyrus, which was a double album and it served as a debut album for Miley (not Hannah). This album also hit number 1 on the charts and gave us a top ten (See You Again) and two top 20 hits (Life’s What You Make It, Nobody’s Perfect). (Full disclosure I am writing this in an Uber Pool, and the sharp looks I’m getting for listening to Hannah Montana is not appreciated. If anything, I should be getting looks of praise and respect, but I digress). To promote this album, she went on a two-year tour that Ticketmaster said: “There hasn’t been this kind of demand for a tour since Elvis or The Garbage Beatles.” In 2008, Miley (not Hannah) released Breakout and that gave her a third number 1 album before she could drive. With that came another top 10 hit (7 Things). Next came the Hannah Montana movie and she gave us another album that hit number one. She became the first (and probably only) artist to ever have 4 albums hit number 1 on the charts before turning 17. She also became the first act within The Walt Disney Company to have deals in television, film, consumer products, and music. She released the song The Climb to promote the movie, and it gave her her first top 5 hit. The other song released off the movie soundtrack went top 20 (HoeDown Throwdown). One more Hannah Montana album followed in 2009 before she abandoned the alter ego. To completely transition away from the Hannah Montana moniker she released the most iconic song of her career in 2009 which hit number 2 on the chart (Party in the USA), but I’ll talk about that later. Her third album as Miley, Can’t Be Tamed came out in 2010 and that titular song also charted in the top 10. After a brief hiatus from music and a new haircut, her album Bangerz came out in 2013. With that album, she got her first number one hit (Wrecking Ball), as well as songs that went number 2 (We Can’t Stop), and 20 (Adore You). A forgettable album, Younger Now came out in 2017 but still produced, you guessed it, a top 10 hit (Malibu). She’s got another album set to come out sometime this year so fingers crossed we get more bangers.

Due to Miley pulling double duty during her teenage years as Hannah Montana I would lose all credibility I don’t have as a music connoisseur and omit those songs from her rankings. So we are doing a ranking of her best Hannah Montana songs AND her best Miley Cyrus Songs.

Best Hannah Montana Songs:

5. Best of Both Worlds: The song that opened up the iconic TV show had to make the list. One thing I will say about the show is that nobody could figure out that Miley was Hannah Montana even though it was known that Miley’s father was also Hannah’s father. His only disguise was that he put on a soul patch when he was Hannah’s father. I guess that’s all you need, but it always left me scratching my head.

4. This is the Life: This tune plays in my head whenever I walk into Chick-Fil-A. A sweet song.

3. Hoedown Throwdown: I’m really surprised that The Hoedown Throwdown hasn’t been added to every wedding/party playlist alongside The Macarena and the Cha Cha Slide. The song is a whole ass hit and I’m surprised we use the Cupid Shuffle instead. EDIT: Upon seeing the music video this appears to be a Miley song, please disregard and put The Other Side of Me, here instead, wow I learned something new today. Still keeping this here because the song deserves respect regardless. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxpDgVbF4Wg

2. Nobody’s Perfect: I almost didn’t put this on the ranking because the song is full of lies. She goes on and on for 3 minutes about how Nobody’s Perfect and yet here I am. Seems like someone didn’t do their homework before writing the song.

1. He Could Be the One: Fun Fact about this song. I asked Alexa to play “He Could Be the One” by Miley Cyrus and she couldn’t find it. Then I asked again but by Hannah Montana and she found it. That’s when I realized she must not know.

One 0could make the argument that her Hannah Montana catalog is as strong as her Miley one. However, that is for you to decide, here are the rankings of Miley without a blonde wig.

Toughest Omission: 23 (ft. Juicy J and Mike Will Made It): I didn’t realize this until today, but she was featured on this thing. I totally thought it was a Miley song, and it jumbled up my rankings when I learned it wasn’t. This is a top 5 Miley song if I included features. Please know that.

5. Malibu: it’s pretty crazy she wrote this song while in an Uber on her way to the set of The Voice and then recorded it in her trailer. Miley is out here in Uber’s writing a song that sold 6 million units, meanwhile, I am in the back of an Uber asking my driver if the mints in the cupholder are for passengers.

4. See You Again: Unreal that if you type “See You Again” into Youtube, that trash Wiz Khalifia comes up before this.

3. We Can’t Stop: I am going to set the scene of what life was like when Miley went ahead and released this ‘controversial’ song. The year is 2013. You just heard this song on the radio for the 10th time of the day. People are acting like Miley Cyrus invented the word twerking. You turn the station thinking the next song will be less problematic. The number one song in the country plays, its Blurred Lines.

2. The Climb: Our girl really sang her heart out on this song. No matter how old we get, we can’t deny that this song was and is a motivational bop. My new year’s resolution in 2009 was fairly simple: Do not cry when The Climb plays. It has been 10 years, and it still hasn’t happened. Sue me, whatever.

1. Party in the U.S.A: I would be the worst American ever if I didn’t put our national anthem as number one on this ranking. Party in the USA honestly transcends pop music, just an amazing song all around, it’s perfect.

When you think about it, Miley was a child prodigy. She is constantly changing her sound and type of music she puts out. I admire how she evolved as an artist with tons of different sounds, and her sappy, overly romantic bubblegum pop songs as Hannah were seriously damn good. They were so catchy, fun, slickly produced, basically all the fundamentals of pop.

Your Turn

If you had a blog and were to rank every Miley Cyrus song that hit top 20 on the charts, what are your top 5?

TitleYearPeak chart positionsAlbum
See You Again200710Meet Miley Cyrus
7 Things20087Breakout
The Climb20094Hannah Montana: The Movie
Hoedown Throwdown200918Hannah Montana: The Movie
Party in the USA20092The Time of Our Lives
When I Look at You201016The Time of Our Lives
Can’t Be Tamed20108Can’t Be Tamed
We Can’t Stop20132Bangerz
Wrecking Ball20131Bangerz
Adore You201320Bangerz
Malibu201710Younger Now

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