Vinnie Barone

Music Monday: P!nk

Each Music Monday will be formatted as followed: an overview/ my opinion on their said career, followed by the ranking of their top 5 songs. No artist is without flaws, their worst three songs will also be judged and ripped to shreds.
As a reminder, this is not going to be a series where I list no-name songs off an artist’s shitty second album that’ll you’ll hear occasionally in an urban coffee shop. We only grade hits here. I’m not looking for songs that have the best underlying message. I’m not looking for songs that represent the artist’s struggle and triumph over something shitty that happened to them. I don’t care about any of that. We are only ranking the cream of the crop, the pinnacle of an artist’s success. Before you ask, I will not be ranking The Beatles’ songs, as I do not want to tarnish my blog with overrated garbage. If you have a problem with that, or my rankings, and want to make your criticisms known, you can email all of your concerns to VinnieWontCheckThis@gmail.com. Prior versions of this series can be found here.
So with that, let’s get started.

Alecia Beth Moore was born on September 8, 1979, in Doylestown, Pennsylvania, to Judy Moore and Jim Moore. She picked the name “Pink” when she was 14, which proves that 14-year-olds constantly make terrible choices. She formed an all group when she was 16 and recorded a demo tape. They sent it to the same record label that signed Usher and after relocating to Atlanta, the group got a record deal. The head of the label only signed the group to get P!nk, and the group was dissolved 4 months later. Pink began working on her debut solo album, Can’t Take Me Home, in 1998 and it was released in 2000. Her debut album was a success, going double platinum and spawning a top ten and top five hits (There You Go, Most Girls. A year later P!nk worked with Missy Elliott, Christina Aguilera, Mya, and Lil’ Kim on the absolute masterpiece that is Lady Marmalade. I’m going to say it’s honestly the best all-female collaboration ever made. The banger gave Pink her first number one hit. The song proved to be a breakthrough for Pink, as she rode the momentum into her second album Missundaztood, which was released in 2001. (Whoever decided on the spelling of this album really should be hung by a cross. Lordy). It had a song go top 5 (Get The Party Started), two go top 10 (Don’t Let Me Get Me, Just Like a Pill), and another go top 20 (Family Portrait). She then released an album in 2003, it was a failure and didn’t have anything worth talking about. Pink knew this album was a grade a STINKER so she left her record label and went on a three-year hiatus from music. After having an epiphany in 2006 she emerged from the ashes like a beautiful phoenix and released her fourth album I’m Not Dead. Pink was back, and back with a vengeance. The album had two top 10 hits (Who Knew, U + Ur Hand) and a top 15 hit (Stupid Girls) as well. Funhouse came in 2008 and so did a number one hit (So What). It also had a top 15 (Sober) and 20 songs (Please Don’t Leave Me). As it would turn out, despite the 3-year hiatus and a bad album, for the 2000s decade, Pink was the second most played artist in the UK behind Madonna. To celebrate her first decade of music she released a Greatest Hits album in 2010 with two new songs (Raise Your Glass, Fuckin’ Perfect), which went number one and two on the charts. (Side note I feel like there is no bigger assertion of dominance than releasing two smash hits on a greatest hits album; People are here for your old bangers and you’re gonna give us some new bops as well? You spoil us Pink) The Truth About Love kicked off the second decade of Pink’s run at the top, as well as this continued hot streak she found herself on. In 2012-2013 Pink was that bitch. This album had a top 5 hit (Blow Me One Last Kiss), a top 10 hit (Try) and the biggest song of 2013 which obviously went number one (Just Give Me a Reason). In 2016 she put out another top 10 hit (Just Like Fire) as part of the soundtrack for Alice Through the Looking Glass (PU) and followed that up with another album, Beautiful Trauma in September 2017. It spawned a top fifteen hit (What About Us), but that was about it. In February of this year, we got her most recent album Hurts 2B Human and it was alright, Walk Me Home is solid. I am curious if we will get another greatest hits album from her next year, a man can dream.

I have long said that Pink is the most underrated and under appreciated artists of this generation. She has been putting out hits from 2000 onward and doesn’t get any respect; If it were up to me, she should be recognized with the Rihanna’s and the Lady Gaga’s of this generation but sadly nobody realizes how good she actually is, I’m going to attempt and rank her 5 best songs.

PS: I am going to preface this by eliminating Lady Marmalade from this ranking due to it being a collaboration. However, I want my thoughts known, Lady Marmalade would be the number one song on this ranking if I included it, however, it would be a disservice to all the amazing songs that Pink put out on her own if I included it.

Toughest Omission: Get the Party Started: This song game out when I was 7. I remember listening to this exclusively when it came on Radio Disney and they also just skipped the line “I’ll be burning rubber you’ll be kissing my ass.” They didn’t beep out the ass part, they just completely omitted it from the song. And so 4 years later when I went to download the song to my IPod from Limewire, I heard that line for the first time in my life I thought I downloaded a bad file and so I found myself redownloading and deleting 20 files of the song because I couldn’t find the version I grew up hearing,

5. U + Ur Hand: I am going to blow your mind. If you sing U + Ur Hand over the beat of SOS by the Jonas Brothers, it fits perfectly. Now you’ll never be able to unhear it.

4. Try: I make a lot of jokes in this blog but I want to use this song to really show you guys how talented she is. This video combined with the song is a masterpiece

3. Raise Your Glass: I won’t say much about this song but all I know is this song will always get me fired up no matter where I am. I could have a 107 fever and if you play this I’m ready to run through a fucking wall.

2. So What: This belongs in the banger hall of fame. 15 year old me sang along to this so hard you would’ve thought I’d been divorced 3 times already.

1. Just Like a Pill: This is just an incredible work of art. Someone tried telling me that this was their favorite guilty pleasure. My jaw dropped, I could not believe anyone would would feel guilty about liking this song. I will say this, I am not sure what 7 year old me really had to relate to but I’ve known every word to Just Like A Pill for as long as I can remember. An absolute classic.

You really think after all P!nk has given me over the past 20 years that I’m going to talk negative about her? Think again; there will be no P!nk slander in this blog, not now, not ever. Pink could punch a child and I’d sit there try to victim blame, “did the child not do enough to get the party started?” Instead, I am going to use this time to talk about an insane story that happened at a P!nk concert in June

I honestly respect the hell out of this baby, she just wanted to see Pink with her own eyes. In the article the mom says how excited she was about giving birth but how gutted she was that she had to miss the concert, I’ve never related to something more. I also understand the logic of naming the baby “P!nk” because that’s a hell of a better name than Alecia, however if someone named me with an exclamation point, hands would be thrown.

Your Turn

If you had a blog and were to rank every Pink song that hit top 20 on the charts, what are your top 5?

TitleYearPeak chart positionsAlbum
There You Go20007Can’t Take Me Home
Most Girls20004Can’t Take Me Home
Lady Marmalade20011Moulin Rouge!
Get the Party Started20014Missundaztood
Don’t Let Me Get Me20028Missundaztood
Just Like a Pill20028Missundaztood
Family Portrait200220Missundaztood
Stupid Girls200613I’m Not Dead
Who Knew20069I’m Not Dead
U + Ur Hand20069I’m Not Dead
So What20081Funhouse
Sober200815Funhouse
Please Don’t Leave Me200917Funhouse
Glitter in the Air201018Funhouse
Raise Your Glass20101Greatest Hits… So Far!!!
Fuckin’ Perfect20102Greatest Hits… So Far!!!
Blow Me (One Last Kiss)20125The Truth About Love
Try20129The Truth About Love
Just Give Me A Reason (ft. Nate Ruess)20131The Truth About Love
Just Like Fire201610Alice Through the Looking Glass Soundtrack
What About Us201713Beautiful Trauma

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