Each Music Monday will be formatted as followed: an overview/ my opinion on their said career, followed by the ranking of their top 5 songs. No artist is without flaws, their worst three songs will also be judged and ripped to shreds.
As a reminder, this is not going to be a series where I list no-name songs off an artist’s shitty second album that’ll you’ll hear occasionally in an urban coffee shop. We only grade hits here. I’m not looking for songs that have the best underlying message. I’m not looking for songs that represent the artist’s struggle and triumph over something shitty that happened to them. I don’t care about any of that. We are only ranking the cream of the crop, the pinnacle of an artist’s success. Before you ask, I will not be ranking The Beatles’ songs, as I do not want to tarnish my blog with overrated garbage. If you have a problem with that, or my rankings, and want to make your criticisms known, you can email all of your concerns to VinnieWontCheckThis@gmail.com. Prior versions of this series can be found here.
So with that, let’s get started
In 2010, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, and Louis Tomlinson auditioned as solo candidates for the seventh series of the British televised singing competition The X Factor. They all failed to progress in the “Boys” category at the boot-camp stage of the competition, but were instead Simon Cowell put them together to form a five-piece boy band and qualified for the groups portion of the competition. Subsequently, the group got together for two weeks to get to know each other and to practice. Which is absolutely crazy when you measure the success of the group. Think about all the people eliminated so early on in these singing competitions that never get a chance like that. Louis would probably be a third grade teacher teaching little British kids how to spell color with a ‘u’ or some shit without Simon putting them together. They quickly stole the hearts of all teenagers in the UK and mothers alike, and despite finishing third in the competition, still got signed to a 2 million pound (That’s England’s currency for the idiots out there) recording contract by Simon’s label. Recording for their debut album began in January 2011, as they flew to Los Angeles to work on it. Released in September 2011, One Direction’s debut single, “What Makes You Beautiful,” was a commercial and international success. It reached number one on the UK charts after becoming the most pre-ordered single in history. Their debut album, Up All Night, was officially released in November 2011 and hit number one in 16 countries. They released the album in the US in March 2012 and was a huge success selling 4.8 million copies. What Makes You Beautiful hit number 4 on the charts and it was from there One Direction had arrived. They released their second album, Take Me Home in November 2012. It had a top 3 hit (Live While We’re Young) and the album hit number one on the chart and sold 4.4 million copies. The group became the first boy band in US chart history to record two number-one albums in the same calendar year alongside becoming the first group since 2008 to record two number-one albums in the same year. Midnight Memories, the group’s third album, was released in November 2013. It obviously hit number one on the charts, sold 4 million copies and spawned a top two (Best Song Ever), top ten (Story of My Life), and two songs hit top fifteen (Diane, Midnight Memories). The subsequent tour was turned into a movie called This Is Us and surprisingly enough was directed by the same guy who did Super Size Me. The movie made $80 million dollars. One year later in (you guessed it), November they released their fourth album Four. Which is sort of ironic when you realize that this was their last album as a five-person group, because that traitor Zayn left the group FOUR months after this album was released. It’s a move that I’m still not over and I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive him. This move cut me up; he’d be a fucking bus boy if it weren’t for One Direction and you’re just gonna pack up and leave the group and the fans that made you a multi-millionaire? Eat shit Zayn. I completely erased him from my mind. I hadn’t thought about Zayn since he left the group until I started writing this blog and now I’m mad all over again. When I found out he left the group I photoshopped that coward out of a picture I got off of Google and put my own face on it because I clearly care about the band more than that jamoke.
Now where was I- oh right, Four only had one song chart in the top 20 (Steal My Girl). The album itself sold 3.2 million copies. I hope you guys have noticed that One Direction has only released albums in November, and this was no different. Made in the A.M was released in 2015, and spawned a top three hit (Drag Me Down), and a top ten song as well (Perfect). The group then announced they were going on hiatus which later turned into a permanent split as each member has embarked on solo careers, thus ripping my heart out.
While One Direction is effectively dead, I can’t help but appreciate all the hits they gave me and millions alike. And aside for that chicken shit Zayn I want nothing but success for my boys. Let’s rank the hits.
Toughest Omission: Kiss You/Act My Age- unfortunately neither song charted high enough which is a shame.
5. Best Song Ever: the song best song ever: not the best song ever, but pretty close!
4. Drag Me Down: I have a theory. In the music video for this song they were really sent to space and the government is hiding it from us because they can’t find them. It would explain why we haven’t gotten any new music since.
3. Perfect: if you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms, I have the perfect song for you.
2. Story of My Life: I almost put this number one. It’s very close but in the end I just couldn’t do it. Despite that, just know this song BUMPS. If you disagree that is fine but just go put this on while driving on the highway and you’ll see what I am talking about. It’s one of those rare songs that is perfect for every mood you may be in. Feeling Sad? Story of my Life. Are you Stressed? Story of my Life. What if you’re in the m mood for a banger? Story Of My Life. How about when time is frozen? STORY OF MY LIFE. I will die on this hill.
1. What Makes You Beautiful: This is not just One Direction’s best song, but probably one of the best pop songs ever. I’m not speaking from nostalgia, I’m speaking from facts and good taste. This song will stand the test of time. We will tell our grandkids about this. Put it in a museum idc. The Beatles WISH they could have made a song as good as this.
Here’s a ranking of the best one direction members:
- Niall
- Harry
- Liam
- Louis
- Louis’ Sister’s drug tolerance
- the microphones
- the band
- the audience
- Morgan Spurlock
- Barack Obama
9994365343496. Zayn
Your Turn
If you had a blog and were to rank every One Direction song that hit top 20 on the charts, what are your top 5?
| Title | Year | Peak chart positions | Album |
| What Makes You Beautiful | 2011 | 4 | Up All Night |
| Live While We’re Young | 2012 | 3 | Take Me Home |
| One Way or Another (Teenage Kicks) | 2013 | 13 | Midnight Memories |
| Best Song Ever | 2013 | 2 | Midnight Memories |
| Story of My Life | 2013 | 6 | Midnight Memories |
| Midnight Memories | 2014 | 12 | Midnight Memories |
| Steal My Girl | 2014 | 13 | Four |
| Drag Me Down | 2015 | 3 | Made in the A.M. |
| Perfect | 2015 | 10 | Made in the A.M. |
Vin'sane Thoughts 