Weddings are fun. To me, the best way to celebrate two people who take the oath of holy matrimony is with an open bar and watching middle-aged women attempt to Wobble. Personally, I love weddings. I love them so much because they allow you to just let loose and have fun. I’ve never had a bad time at one because I have the personality where that kind of atmosphere tux suits me well. Whether it’s the social aspect, the eating aspect, the drinking aspect, the cake aspect, or, my favorite, the dancing aspect (anybody who knows me nose I love to boogie), you can almost guarantee that I’ll be having a great time at your wedding. It’s because of all those reasons I’ll never turn down a wedding invitation if I get one. As luck should have it, one night I found myself unable to sleep, scrolling aimlessly on Twitter, and stumbled upon an interesting tweet from one of my fans followers.

Now, let me preface this by saying- I’ve met this person maybe once in my life. I’m a complete stranger to them other than the once in a blue moon ‘like’ I get on a tweet. They know of my existence, but they don’t truly know me (Most would consider them lucky). Anyway, immediately upon seeing this tweet I had two thoughts. The first thought was, “Vinnie, this shouldn’t even be up for debate. This person is a complete stranger. They don’t know you.” The second thought was, “Vinnie, this shouldn’t even be up for debate. This person is a complete stranger. They don’t know you… You’ll never have a better chance than right now.” That was all the convincing I needed- I decided to throw my hat into this wedding (date) ring.

Since this person is a stranger, she knows nothing about me. She doesn’t know all redeeming qualities that make me the perfect wedding date. I was born to be a wedding date, it’s like I was created in a lab, designed specifically to scream Buh-Buh-Buh whilst Sweet Caroline blares throughout the venue.

Now, I’ve been to my fair share of weddings. I know that when you’re a wedding date as opposed to a guest, your responsibilities change. These people aren’t your family and friends, so you are not just representing yourself, you are representing the person who brought you too. Few people realize that when they are a wedding date, the night isn’t about them, it’s not even about the bride and groom, it’s about the person who brought you. To show this girl, I am the best-equipped to handle all duties that being a wedding date entails; I did what any potential candidate does when they want someone to see how qualified they are for a role- I sent in a resume and cover letter.

Creating both the resume and the cover letter took about 20 minutes. The only reason Rome wasn’t built in a day is because I wasn’t alive yet to work on it; I’d have the Colosseum up in a tight fifteen if I was the one running the show. If a strong resume and cover letter are considered works of art, then this is the Sistine Chapel of applications. These two items should hang in the Louvre next to the Mona freakin’ Lisa. Leonardo should be honored to share my name.

To let the person know I was serious and not doing this for clout, I sent in my application via direct message. The hard work was done. Now all I needed to do was wait for a response. For once in my life, I was feeling pretty confident about my odds here.

Boy, was that dumb. Much like any other DM I’ve sent to anyone, ever, I got hit with the worst (and oh too familiar) four letters you can ever get in a DM.

How could this happen? I did everything right. I was qualified for this position; I was willing to travel for the role. What did I do wrong? I thought to myself, “Maybe she’s just taking her time looking through my application, this is a big decision after all, why rush it?” Self doubt crept in. “Maybe the other candidates were just better. She must not think I look as good as I say I look in a suit.” Regardless of the reasoning, I was crushed for about 30 seconds. It’s like the old saying goes, you win some, you lose most. Despite missing out on my dream job, this won’t discourage me from my goal of being a wedding date someday. Although my efforts this time came up short, I can keep my head held high because I know I gave it 109-Plus One-Percent.